Lost in the Ocean

How I wish I could swim faster.

Story 1

              Once upon a time work has been busy. Busy. Ada satu hari tu, customer datang tak henti-henti. And I was doing this and that and this and that until one point, I had to go back and take a deep breath. My head was spinning. Dalam otak, heyy mambang nadia. Tak cukup air ke. Dehydrated ni. I went to the vending machine hoping for mineral water tapi malang habis. Then terpaksa beli burst oren. Dalam hati. Aku dehidrasi. I do not want any sweeten drinks. Tapi anything lah. Opened the bottle, empty it's content in a huge mug, top-up dengan air biasa and ice. Minum in one gulp. And you know how it feels like after that?

Bliss. Rejuvenated. Revamp. Refresh. Total rebirth.

Story 2

               After a long tiring day at work, Abah said he'd come pick me up with his bike. I was like, yes. Thank you Ya Allah. Sebenarnya, dalam hati selalu cam tak berapa gemar nak naik motor ni. Abah is a biker. A real biker. But he likes to change bikes every now and then. So far, his best bike was his virago. I love that bike, besar, selesa, bunyi gempak, semua pandang. Tension gila. But since that big bike, Abah tukar motor KSR kecik, then now a corny yellow superbike. He came with that yellow bike. Nadia punya malu, jalan sampai sidewalk depan office so that Abah's bike tak buat scene. Yela. "Weyhhhhh bapak kau cool, naik motor besar. Gila kaya. Gila gempak." Yep. I get that a lot. Personally, I prefer people not knowing my dad is a biker. His interest is something pawerrrr la untuk orang warga emas. Tapi aku tak suka propa sangat kat kalayak ramai. Oh. To make this story short, I had a longgggggg dayyyyy and bila Abah amek and took me on a ride of my life, 150km/hour on his superbike kat mex, I was flying. And you know how it feels like after that?

Awesome. High. Mati pun tak kisah. Adrenalin is morphine. I get it now.

Story 3

             I have a huge project on my shoulder. BIG. This is life changing. Ke-gempakan-ku depends on this book deal. But. But. I am tired. Nearly 2 years working on this. Sometimes i just want to stop. Quit. Banyak kali woi. Banyak kali sangat. Depression. Stress. Tension. Bila 'projek' ini datang kembali menghantui hidup ini, my eyes water. My heart went to the deepest darkest place. I wanted the earth to swallow me. Please. Swallow me. Bila rasa macam ni, I went to you. Knowing you would make me feel better. But that was a huge mistake. Moral of the story is; lahir kat dunia ni sendiri, mampos pun sendiri. And you know how it feels like after that?

Keraskan hati. You have to. Be strong. You are on your own now.

Story 4

             It has been some time man. Since I felt something in my heart. Too bad we always deny what we have for each other because we say, being hurt is a lost for both of us. But aku peninglah bila aku camni. Cam tahi. But I like having you around. Having someone who cares. And you know how it feels like after that?

Are we. Arent we. Limbo. Sucks.



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