Alone

A term so modest but so true.

For the past few months, I went through a phase. A phase where I have to choose between being the old me or the new one. I struggled. Sumpah. It's not easy. I forget being positive for awhile. And I do not do things I usually do for people around me. I became mundane and bleak. Dark. In pursuit of what is right for me.
           I talk less. Cakap kosong dah kurang. I do not gossip much. Last time it was my bread and butter with people. I know everything and anything. But now, if I know sekalipun, I just keep it to myself. Buat apa buka aib orang dan mengata if it results in a chain of dosa for everyone around me. I'm like the head of sin-nation. I'm not proud of that tag. Slowly I realized, I can control it. I'm not cured 100%. This is a cursed I have to live with for the rest of my life. But perlahan-lahan. I do not want to be that person who always talk crap of other people. Macam aku bagus sangat kan. So if I am quieter than before, please understand. Its not you, its me. I am trying to better myself.  Personally, I want to say sorry to my dear friends who felt something in this phase of transition.Terasa hati dengan tindak-tanduk yang bukan seperti nadia. Or makan dalam dengan my withdrawal syndrome towards people. I am struggling to balance all this out. That's why nadia macam pelik banyak. BUT do not worry ya. I think I have found the light at the end of the tunnel already.
             Move on to kisah hati. Opened skype. Found our old conversation dated March. I miss you on a lazy afternoon like this. I do not know how to forget you just yet. Let's just say, you are in a way better position. You have somebody to love already. Me? Not as lucky as you.



* Read through my older posts. What an awesome immature virtual diary I have here.