New Day

I can see the light.

Perkara paling menakutkan to me is 2 things:

• Being arrogant. 
• Menjadi kedekut,tamak.

Please God, do not let me be those things. Some people fear death, takut kena tinggal kekasih, takut dipandang rendah, takut lipas. Tapi aku....takut dua benda paling biasa terjadi tanpa kita sedar. Serious takut. So, pleaseeeeeeeeeee God do not let me be those things. 

Eh. Suka korang membaca eh. I see you. 

Do what you love.

Define. (20 marks)

The thing about me is, I want to do everything. There is no such thing as 'NO' unless it's something like eating a bucket of cucumber. Yuke. Let me tell you a story about a girl with so many things in mind, sometimes she does not check herself in reality. But this 'crazy-I-want-I-will-I-can-do-everything' spirit has brought me abundance of life. Kita semua ada checklist or should I say bucket list of what we really want to do before we die. I have a very long list and the list keeps on growing even after I ticked off items from it. Bloody hell.

Certain things off my list are; losing weight and being fabulous (DONE). I was fat chubby when i was in school and something miraculous happened during my time at university, I became me. The beautiful me I always wanted to be. You think I was born ME? No. This is a piece of work that needed every bit of help. I participated in a charity run (DONE), watched a liverpool fc football match live with freaking eyeballs screaming from the stand (DONE), went out off my circle of safe friends into a world activism when I checked myself to an amazing anti-discrimination workshop (DONE), successfully organized every type of birthday imaginable for friends (DONE); picnic bday, fine-dining bday, ice-cream bday, home-footy match bday, solat hajat doa selamat bday, kidnapped bday, bowling bday, photoshoot bday, surprised terjah confetti bday, all u cant eat buffet bday, donut bday dan macam-macam lain tak ingat dah, being a true kid with master of pranks everywhere (DONE), presented in a hugely impressive meeting room with balls in mouth (DONE); at isn with all the officers and meeting room kampus masa final year, make the best char kuey teow (DONE), belajar buat at least satu kuih and be good at it (DONE); vadei aku adalah to-die-for dan chocochip cookies nadia mendapat sambutan cinta utk mereka yang pernah rasa. Antara benda lain adalah;

• Read and understand the Quran more. *Ini paling epik. I learned a lot from this. Siapa yang takde tafsir Quran lagi, mohon beli and make it your own personal diary. This is why we do what we do, this is why we see reason in everything that happens.Antara dugaan terhebat nak dapatkan my tafsir that day, I guess HE wants me to really feel that I need it more than some people who needs an iphone.  
• In  2010, semasa dalam bus rapid, perjalanan ke pavi, I told icah sambil pandang luar, I really want to write and be a writer someday. Come 2011, my final year project presented me with an opportunity to prove myself. InsyaAllah, please pray for it, my book will be publish in the future. Perjalanan masih jauh. Dugaan buat buku banyak woiii. Tak kelakar. But when there is a good thing going on, everything will fall into place. *Buku adalah perkara gila, jangan tempt it kalau semangat tak kental. Sebenarnya penat nak explain pasal buku ni. Mohon jangan gebang. 
• Enjoy coffee. Learn, love and live it. I sure do. I'll be having the best job in the world. Some people nak gaji besar, nak beli itu nak beli ini, nak nama, nak gempak tetapi, I really want to work with coffee and Alhamdulillah, I'm getting that opportunity. I know I can work at the best company in Msia, and I'll do well (hell yeah) tapi I want to do this. Terasa seperti seorang big shot lawyer yang leave a comfortable successful career in the city, just to open a coffee shop kat kampung. haha. So barista cinta. 

So, what is your excuse for not doing what you love? If the odds are against you, do something about it. Kalau takde transport, naik public transport. Kalau takde duit, kerja. Kalau tak reti berbahasa mandarin untuk syarat pekerjaan, go and take mandarin classes. Kalau takde lovelife, go get a life. Jezz. There is always a way. There is always a way. There is always a way. If you think I have a wonderful life, yes I am. If you think I am lucky, yes I am. If you compare yourself to me, that is freaking pathetic. Berapa kali nak cakap. You define what your life would be like. Aku bagi contoh ni pun sebab nak tunjuk kat semua orang that, it is possible. Doa, niat, istiqamah banyak-banyak. That is all you need. 

Akibat melalut, dapat 10 markah sahaja. *Hek eleh. This is why I hate exams. 

That is a cat I see

No. No. No. Me cat  is a no no.

Talking about my bestfriend ever forever sweetheart mushy pumpkin pie pineapple bee, Icah Shamsi, i just love how you do what you do. I miss making fun of you and miss torturing you emotionally. I miss your monotone cold response that is so you and the way you try so hard to show emotions just because Nadia wants you to. Semua benda yang anyonyonyocicibacalallalaladingdingkecomcom adalah bahasa budak sewel dan kenapalah korang baca seketul-seketul. hahahaha.

Talking about relationships, personally I dislike it when we based our relationship around what happened in the past. What we had, what we used to do, who we were blablablabla. Bila catch up, call je, talk, we use to blab about how we use to be atau percakapan memori silam. To me, we take things forward. I like to talk about us in the future and not backwards. Bosanlah cakap pasal hal dulu-dulu sahaja. This is now. And now is this. Betullllllll, we had fun masa muda-muda, masa bodo-bodo gitu but now we are different. I like to see us for now.


No one knows we are close. No one. So lets play this hide n seek until sunset. 

Good with my words

Really?

Tak tahu nak cakap apa. But I got a reputation for being too sweet with my words sometimes. Sumpah. It comes naturally to me to say good stuff to people. I never deem myself a good listener but how can I respond rationally, constructively, 'sweetly' if I do not listen kan? Entah. Maybe its a gift. A purpose. A calling. To motivate people and make them feel 'important' 'cared for' 'appreciated'. Lumrah manusia kot.
                  Sometimes people misunderstood my friendliness and kind words for flirting (lelaki). Sebab lelaki makhluk simple. They just want someone to listen to them and support them no matter how shitty the situation may be. They just want to hear 'sabar' 'it's ok' 'you'll be fine'. So bila ada minah yang dengar dan bagi kata-kata sedemikian, maka timbul lah bunga-bunga cinta. I admit that I was wrong to be saying all those kind words to my guy friends. And reputasi yang terjadi adalah salah sendiri. Maaf. But I do not want to change who I am. Because saying kind words to a person is not a bad thing. To me, if I die tomorrow, I'll die knowing at least I made a difference tak kisahlah sekulat text berupa "It's okay, you'll be fine. Cheer up ye." Konteks berkata-kata baik ini bukan hanya untuk lelaki ya. Janganlah perasan sangat. For friends who have been mesmerized by my 'sweet words', you know that I meant everything I said. Reflex. I like to think I made you feel better. That is the least I can do.

Moral of the story. Be kind to people. If you are lucky, they will open up and tell stories about themselves that is absolutely divine. Personally kalau ada falsafah, setiap orang ada jalan cerita sendiri, insyaAllah minda kita akan terbuka luas and our hearts will get warmer.
               



Tak tahu nak cakap apa?! Pukul kang. 

Update

Life is moving and I love it.

         Finally I graduated. It took me 19 years of learning in the ever so grateful education system that we have; to finally grab a piece of paper showing I am with 'A Qualification'. I am relieved to be leaving UKM. I am grateful for the institution. But sumpah I am relieved I am leaving it. Its like school, where you really wanna leave but what you truly miss are the moments. 4 years in KL was amazing. In terms of self-growth, friendship, relationships, experiences, maturity. I love my last 4 years. I learned about life more than ever in the last 2 years. The first 2 years, I played a lot with myself. Experimenting and venturing and having fun was my absolute motivation. I was optimistic. Very positive. Very confident. I felt superior in every way and the world is mine to take. BUT. With great hyper unnecessary confidence comes dumbness and immaturity. I made a whole lot of mistakes along the way. And looking back at myself now, I can only say thank you for being such a dumbass. hahaha. You made me who I am today.

             Honestly, trying to make amends in the best part of the last 2 years is not easy. Am slowly moving into the right direction I hope. Some people will notice the change and some may not. But trust me, bila ada niat baik dalam hati, InsyaAllah HE will make it easier for you. Regardless of who you may be in the past, the mistakes you made, HE will eventually show you the way. I saw a quote or wateva thingy tumblr stuff, and it said something like.."You did not change throughout the years, you just became who you really are inside". Maybe there is truth in that. And with that,cheers to who you really are inside, Nadia.

Wow. I miss writing shit like this.