The Anticipated Return of Amidala

Last post was 5 months ago.

Times flies. I mean it flew away in a blink. Did we just blinked it away? Did 5 months really happened? Did I just left this place to rot? Did I miss anything here? Clearly I had. Clearly I did. Time. We say 'we have no time', we say "time just went away', we say 'eh tetibe dah lupa pastu bye bye'. Talking about time is serious shit. I am 5 months older (wiser I hope). Clearly, 5 months ago I was in a different struggle and battle of life. Now I am looking at possibly a scary exciting future ahead. Firstly, my book is now under a publisher. Woohooo. Alhamdulillah. Waiting for the book to be on the shelves. Soon. Woohooo. Secondly, I quit my barista job. Sad. I love that job. Dearly. It was humbling and fun. Never thought that I spent half a year doing what I always wanted to do. Best yet, I earned a humbling pile of fortune for myself. Not much but my piggy bank grew fatter after my coffee job stint. Duit untuk rasa hidup. I called it, "tabung kehidupan". Used it for experiencing life. So far okaylah. Di samping itu, how about love? Any good news? Ahahaha. Let's just say, if i ask your alamat rumah out of the blue, dah nak kahwin lah tu. I promise myself to personally hantar semua jemputan, sekeping kad. Barulah formal, proper sikit kan? Takat invite kat facebook, tak sampai niat tu. Lebih afdal hantar kad. Eceh. Tak boleh belah langsung. Macam kahwin esok. Menggelabah mintak alamat orang poslaju semua. Marah posmen-posmen semalaya.



Akhirnya, you people still read my crap. You guys are too nice. hahaha.

Hilang

Kadang-kadang menulis dalam bahasa bercampor. 

              I think i'm getting old. Because people now kiri kanan depan belakang semua handphone canggih bapak hang. There is this one time in the train, this really really really pregnant lady came in and was left there standing all the way because 'young strong' looking sitting people was preoccupied with their smartphones. I know. One of them; at least; have the kindness badge in them if only they look up at this kakak yang sarat ni. But poor poor dear. Nobody noticed her because semua sibuk facebook, instagram, templerun dan sewaktu denganya. Aku rasa aku tua sebab dalam hati ni tengah membebel-bebel cam orang tua kat manusia-manusia alpa ni. Malang sekali I did not have the guts to asked one of them to give this akak a seat. At the end of the day, I was not helping the cause. I was being an onlooker yang tak guna. 

           And there was this one time dekat mamak, a family of three; bapak, mak dan anak kecil. Biasalah makan malam keluarga yang tak masak. Anak jenis tak duduk diam lalu disogok dengan ipad. Bapak main note. Mak pula ada samsung. I just watched them. Not talking to each other. Masing-masing preoccupied dengan kecanggihan yang canggih. Then bila anak naik bosan, nak itu nak ini, mak boleh pass kat bapak sebab maknya tengah nak highscore game kat ipad. Sedih betul aku tengok. Lalu anak itu, wandering around the mamak pusing-pusing meja. Mak dan bapak maintain dengan gajet canggih masing-masing. Serious, aku kagum dengan kealpaan ini. 

           I am not saying all this technology is bad for us. Malahan, anak-anak kecil sekarang pandai tak terkata bab-bab gajet-gajet canggih. But itulah. There is always the negative side of things. This is the main reason why I am not a 'gadget' person. Sampai sekarang masih tak teringin untuk memiliki keindahan teknologi tersebut. The second reason why is, bab-bab komputer Nadia bimbo sikit. True. So bila main touch skrin tu, rasa cam pengalaman paling dasyat sekali dalam hidup ini. Mohon jangan cakap aku buruk siku jika satu hari nanti aku beli smartphone. Sebenarnya dalam hati ni membuak-buak nak ishtagram gambar camwhore sendiri sampai ramai followers jadi unfollow! Hahahhahaaa. 

*I don't do mainstream. I just like taking the weird road. 

Lost in the Ocean

How I wish I could swim faster.

Story 1

              Once upon a time work has been busy. Busy. Ada satu hari tu, customer datang tak henti-henti. And I was doing this and that and this and that until one point, I had to go back and take a deep breath. My head was spinning. Dalam otak, heyy mambang nadia. Tak cukup air ke. Dehydrated ni. I went to the vending machine hoping for mineral water tapi malang habis. Then terpaksa beli burst oren. Dalam hati. Aku dehidrasi. I do not want any sweeten drinks. Tapi anything lah. Opened the bottle, empty it's content in a huge mug, top-up dengan air biasa and ice. Minum in one gulp. And you know how it feels like after that?

Bliss. Rejuvenated. Revamp. Refresh. Total rebirth.

Story 2

               After a long tiring day at work, Abah said he'd come pick me up with his bike. I was like, yes. Thank you Ya Allah. Sebenarnya, dalam hati selalu cam tak berapa gemar nak naik motor ni. Abah is a biker. A real biker. But he likes to change bikes every now and then. So far, his best bike was his virago. I love that bike, besar, selesa, bunyi gempak, semua pandang. Tension gila. But since that big bike, Abah tukar motor KSR kecik, then now a corny yellow superbike. He came with that yellow bike. Nadia punya malu, jalan sampai sidewalk depan office so that Abah's bike tak buat scene. Yela. "Weyhhhhh bapak kau cool, naik motor besar. Gila kaya. Gila gempak." Yep. I get that a lot. Personally, I prefer people not knowing my dad is a biker. His interest is something pawerrrr la untuk orang warga emas. Tapi aku tak suka propa sangat kat kalayak ramai. Oh. To make this story short, I had a longgggggg dayyyyy and bila Abah amek and took me on a ride of my life, 150km/hour on his superbike kat mex, I was flying. And you know how it feels like after that?

Awesome. High. Mati pun tak kisah. Adrenalin is morphine. I get it now.

Story 3

             I have a huge project on my shoulder. BIG. This is life changing. Ke-gempakan-ku depends on this book deal. But. But. I am tired. Nearly 2 years working on this. Sometimes i just want to stop. Quit. Banyak kali woi. Banyak kali sangat. Depression. Stress. Tension. Bila 'projek' ini datang kembali menghantui hidup ini, my eyes water. My heart went to the deepest darkest place. I wanted the earth to swallow me. Please. Swallow me. Bila rasa macam ni, I went to you. Knowing you would make me feel better. But that was a huge mistake. Moral of the story is; lahir kat dunia ni sendiri, mampos pun sendiri. And you know how it feels like after that?

Keraskan hati. You have to. Be strong. You are on your own now.

Story 4

             It has been some time man. Since I felt something in my heart. Too bad we always deny what we have for each other because we say, being hurt is a lost for both of us. But aku peninglah bila aku camni. Cam tahi. But I like having you around. Having someone who cares. And you know how it feels like after that?

Are we. Arent we. Limbo. Sucks.



*Sekian sahaja cerita dongeng untuk hari ini. 
             

So Much Heart

A mini update.

Been working now, a month and months. It has been a pleasant experience.

Jap. Let me rephrase.

Work has been ABSOLUTELY AMAZING (in a very good way, no sarcastic note intended). Come on. I love coffee like my life depends on it. It is my life. It always have been. So to be given an opportunity to widen my knowledge about coffee and to make me have barista epic skills is a dream come true. Aku bahagia sekarang. Aku selesa. Aku gembira dengan kerja. People say do what you love (so i went for it), and getting paid doing what you love is clearly a life worth living for. Just. Aku takut satu benda je sekarang. I am afraid I love my job so much, I do not want to quit this. This life. This environment. This free coffee. This regular customers I came to know and love. This people who appreciate coffee. This brand name who take coffee seriously. This best coffee, hands down.

                    People around me know, I am so much bigger than this. It's okay. I know that too. I know I should move on to bigger and better horizon. But so far so good. Being here is humbling. Being here is the dream. Do not fuss. I am secretly planning to take over the world soon! You'll see me doing that. You will. And I just want to say; do what you love. If you donno yet, ask HIM. HE knows. Because HE showed me how to. =)


* Smiling because coffee is cure. 

Au lait

Is actually a type of coffee. 

So far work has been fun. I learned a lot in the short time here. I told my supervisor, its like playing diner dash but in real life. I love the fast pace, crunch time make sandwich in 2 minute window period. Adrenalin gila. haha. 

For your information, I work in a coffee shop. Yes kedai kopi. I know I am overqualified for the job but I really want to test myself working in this kind of environment. Having a degree does not make you a better person actually. You can say we may have an advantage in terms of IQ or EQ levels but in my opinion it does not matter at all. Ia hanya sekeping kertas yang menunjukkan aku telah belajar sampai menara gading. Adakah degree ini dapat membuat aku basuh pinggan dengan lebih laju? Adakah degree ini membuat aku pandai masak? Adakah degree ini membuat aku pandai berinteraksi dengan mat salleh? Adakah degree ini ajar aku untuk selalu bersangka baik terhadap orang? Mungkin. Ada. Sedikit dan banyak. Walaupun some people might think I am doing "kerja lepasan SPM" but aku tak kisah because being around coffee is a dream come true. Working with coffee is something I always wanted to do. So far so good lah. Getting paid for having the best job in the world is pure happiness. 

*If you give me a choice between 4flat CGPA or making coffee using a professional espresso machine; I'll pick coffee every single time. Yeah. Happiness is a choice. 

New Day

I can see the light.

Perkara paling menakutkan to me is 2 things:

• Being arrogant. 
• Menjadi kedekut,tamak.

Please God, do not let me be those things. Some people fear death, takut kena tinggal kekasih, takut dipandang rendah, takut lipas. Tapi aku....takut dua benda paling biasa terjadi tanpa kita sedar. Serious takut. So, pleaseeeeeeeeeee God do not let me be those things. 

Eh. Suka korang membaca eh. I see you. 

Do what you love.

Define. (20 marks)

The thing about me is, I want to do everything. There is no such thing as 'NO' unless it's something like eating a bucket of cucumber. Yuke. Let me tell you a story about a girl with so many things in mind, sometimes she does not check herself in reality. But this 'crazy-I-want-I-will-I-can-do-everything' spirit has brought me abundance of life. Kita semua ada checklist or should I say bucket list of what we really want to do before we die. I have a very long list and the list keeps on growing even after I ticked off items from it. Bloody hell.

Certain things off my list are; losing weight and being fabulous (DONE). I was fat chubby when i was in school and something miraculous happened during my time at university, I became me. The beautiful me I always wanted to be. You think I was born ME? No. This is a piece of work that needed every bit of help. I participated in a charity run (DONE), watched a liverpool fc football match live with freaking eyeballs screaming from the stand (DONE), went out off my circle of safe friends into a world activism when I checked myself to an amazing anti-discrimination workshop (DONE), successfully organized every type of birthday imaginable for friends (DONE); picnic bday, fine-dining bday, ice-cream bday, home-footy match bday, solat hajat doa selamat bday, kidnapped bday, bowling bday, photoshoot bday, surprised terjah confetti bday, all u cant eat buffet bday, donut bday dan macam-macam lain tak ingat dah, being a true kid with master of pranks everywhere (DONE), presented in a hugely impressive meeting room with balls in mouth (DONE); at isn with all the officers and meeting room kampus masa final year, make the best char kuey teow (DONE), belajar buat at least satu kuih and be good at it (DONE); vadei aku adalah to-die-for dan chocochip cookies nadia mendapat sambutan cinta utk mereka yang pernah rasa. Antara benda lain adalah;

• Read and understand the Quran more. *Ini paling epik. I learned a lot from this. Siapa yang takde tafsir Quran lagi, mohon beli and make it your own personal diary. This is why we do what we do, this is why we see reason in everything that happens.Antara dugaan terhebat nak dapatkan my tafsir that day, I guess HE wants me to really feel that I need it more than some people who needs an iphone.  
• In  2010, semasa dalam bus rapid, perjalanan ke pavi, I told icah sambil pandang luar, I really want to write and be a writer someday. Come 2011, my final year project presented me with an opportunity to prove myself. InsyaAllah, please pray for it, my book will be publish in the future. Perjalanan masih jauh. Dugaan buat buku banyak woiii. Tak kelakar. But when there is a good thing going on, everything will fall into place. *Buku adalah perkara gila, jangan tempt it kalau semangat tak kental. Sebenarnya penat nak explain pasal buku ni. Mohon jangan gebang. 
• Enjoy coffee. Learn, love and live it. I sure do. I'll be having the best job in the world. Some people nak gaji besar, nak beli itu nak beli ini, nak nama, nak gempak tetapi, I really want to work with coffee and Alhamdulillah, I'm getting that opportunity. I know I can work at the best company in Msia, and I'll do well (hell yeah) tapi I want to do this. Terasa seperti seorang big shot lawyer yang leave a comfortable successful career in the city, just to open a coffee shop kat kampung. haha. So barista cinta. 

So, what is your excuse for not doing what you love? If the odds are against you, do something about it. Kalau takde transport, naik public transport. Kalau takde duit, kerja. Kalau tak reti berbahasa mandarin untuk syarat pekerjaan, go and take mandarin classes. Kalau takde lovelife, go get a life. Jezz. There is always a way. There is always a way. There is always a way. If you think I have a wonderful life, yes I am. If you think I am lucky, yes I am. If you compare yourself to me, that is freaking pathetic. Berapa kali nak cakap. You define what your life would be like. Aku bagi contoh ni pun sebab nak tunjuk kat semua orang that, it is possible. Doa, niat, istiqamah banyak-banyak. That is all you need. 

Akibat melalut, dapat 10 markah sahaja. *Hek eleh. This is why I hate exams. 

That is a cat I see

No. No. No. Me cat  is a no no.

Talking about my bestfriend ever forever sweetheart mushy pumpkin pie pineapple bee, Icah Shamsi, i just love how you do what you do. I miss making fun of you and miss torturing you emotionally. I miss your monotone cold response that is so you and the way you try so hard to show emotions just because Nadia wants you to. Semua benda yang anyonyonyocicibacalallalaladingdingkecomcom adalah bahasa budak sewel dan kenapalah korang baca seketul-seketul. hahahaha.

Talking about relationships, personally I dislike it when we based our relationship around what happened in the past. What we had, what we used to do, who we were blablablabla. Bila catch up, call je, talk, we use to blab about how we use to be atau percakapan memori silam. To me, we take things forward. I like to talk about us in the future and not backwards. Bosanlah cakap pasal hal dulu-dulu sahaja. This is now. And now is this. Betullllllll, we had fun masa muda-muda, masa bodo-bodo gitu but now we are different. I like to see us for now.


No one knows we are close. No one. So lets play this hide n seek until sunset. 

Good with my words

Really?

Tak tahu nak cakap apa. But I got a reputation for being too sweet with my words sometimes. Sumpah. It comes naturally to me to say good stuff to people. I never deem myself a good listener but how can I respond rationally, constructively, 'sweetly' if I do not listen kan? Entah. Maybe its a gift. A purpose. A calling. To motivate people and make them feel 'important' 'cared for' 'appreciated'. Lumrah manusia kot.
                  Sometimes people misunderstood my friendliness and kind words for flirting (lelaki). Sebab lelaki makhluk simple. They just want someone to listen to them and support them no matter how shitty the situation may be. They just want to hear 'sabar' 'it's ok' 'you'll be fine'. So bila ada minah yang dengar dan bagi kata-kata sedemikian, maka timbul lah bunga-bunga cinta. I admit that I was wrong to be saying all those kind words to my guy friends. And reputasi yang terjadi adalah salah sendiri. Maaf. But I do not want to change who I am. Because saying kind words to a person is not a bad thing. To me, if I die tomorrow, I'll die knowing at least I made a difference tak kisahlah sekulat text berupa "It's okay, you'll be fine. Cheer up ye." Konteks berkata-kata baik ini bukan hanya untuk lelaki ya. Janganlah perasan sangat. For friends who have been mesmerized by my 'sweet words', you know that I meant everything I said. Reflex. I like to think I made you feel better. That is the least I can do.

Moral of the story. Be kind to people. If you are lucky, they will open up and tell stories about themselves that is absolutely divine. Personally kalau ada falsafah, setiap orang ada jalan cerita sendiri, insyaAllah minda kita akan terbuka luas and our hearts will get warmer.
               



Tak tahu nak cakap apa?! Pukul kang. 

Update

Life is moving and I love it.

         Finally I graduated. It took me 19 years of learning in the ever so grateful education system that we have; to finally grab a piece of paper showing I am with 'A Qualification'. I am relieved to be leaving UKM. I am grateful for the institution. But sumpah I am relieved I am leaving it. Its like school, where you really wanna leave but what you truly miss are the moments. 4 years in KL was amazing. In terms of self-growth, friendship, relationships, experiences, maturity. I love my last 4 years. I learned about life more than ever in the last 2 years. The first 2 years, I played a lot with myself. Experimenting and venturing and having fun was my absolute motivation. I was optimistic. Very positive. Very confident. I felt superior in every way and the world is mine to take. BUT. With great hyper unnecessary confidence comes dumbness and immaturity. I made a whole lot of mistakes along the way. And looking back at myself now, I can only say thank you for being such a dumbass. hahaha. You made me who I am today.

             Honestly, trying to make amends in the best part of the last 2 years is not easy. Am slowly moving into the right direction I hope. Some people will notice the change and some may not. But trust me, bila ada niat baik dalam hati, InsyaAllah HE will make it easier for you. Regardless of who you may be in the past, the mistakes you made, HE will eventually show you the way. I saw a quote or wateva thingy tumblr stuff, and it said something like.."You did not change throughout the years, you just became who you really are inside". Maybe there is truth in that. And with that,cheers to who you really are inside, Nadia.

Wow. I miss writing shit like this. 

Places for things

I am not what I may seem to be.

Read that line slowly. Because someone said I have changed. Why. You asked. Explanation is. I grew up. I am more open to 'shut up' now. I do not tell much. I am less expressive. There are certain things that should be kept. With me. And kalau di alam maya itu kau rasa aku bahagia. Gembira. Senantiasa happy. Gedik. Bimbo. Friendly. Positive. Gila. Berlagak. Bajet bagus. So be it.

Just because I put on a happy face, does not mean I have no soul.

Come on. Why expose my soul? Why show my vulnerability? What's the point of being weak? What's the point? So I get attention? So that people love me? I do not think so. I choose special people to know that side of me. And sesiapa yang kenal Nadia would know, she is more than what she is. Way more than a bubbly friendly crazy gedik girl.  Sebenarnya, only a few people suka orang-orang deep ni. Kalau asyik nak 'deep' je, lemaslah. Lemas tenggelam.


*Jangan tertipu sangat dengan topeng manusia. Everyone is wearing one. The difference is; dengan siapa kita buka topeng itu.

Loyal

I still love you the same.


Nothing changed. I thought it did. But nothing changed. Years went by and I still feel the same. I know a lot of people in my life. I am friends with most of them. I am close with some of them. But a special selected few are just too precious.


*Can I keep them?

Sick

Been very sick.

When you are sick, you want to be taken care off. But when I was sick at home, I took care of myself and everybody else because my family always feel I can. It teaches you to be stronger inside and dig deeper when you are at your most weakest..you tend to hang on to yourself. You may give up hope but God won't give you this 'pleasure', this 'lesson' if HE  thinks you CANNOT. The down side of being the person who CAN is loneliness of fighting it on your own. Sometimes you just want a person to look at you and care for you when you are sick.
              Yes, I was sick. Yes, I was being very brave and strong. Yes, I cried myself to sleep because I do not want to 'worry' my parents. Yes, I pretend I can handle it because I am not a cry baby like my brother. Yes, I would like someone to notice I needed attention. Yes, I miss icah because she took care of me when I was sick dulu-dulu. Yes, I miss not being at home and being with my friends because they will pay attention and caring bagai minyak yang penuh. Yes, with them I am weak. Yes, I need you. Yes, I am merengek here now.



But I am no cry baby. This storm shall pass soon.



*Still trauma to eat. Lost 3 kg just like that. This is not a good way to lose weight. At all. 

Waterfall

Crying reflects on hyper.

I don't wanna be a girl but I don't feel well today.
Emotionally not there.
Physically asthmatic.
Unconsciously body system down.
But I don't go huhuhu i'm sick huhuhuhu. help i'm dying. sakit ;'(
Tengok aku okay je kat laman sosial.
Sebab bila sakit, itu akibat dosa silam.
Nak beritahu dunia, is not what I do.
Aku sakit, aku sedih, aku hiba, aku emo, aku negatif.
I don't tell the world. I tell a few dear friends, to flush it out of my system.
And maybe this place.

There is a fine line between playing weak and being a major pain in the ass attention seeking shit.


*I do not like you asthma. You are killing me.

The one that went away

How we wish we had more time.

This week I learn about life and death. My best friend just lost her mother. It was _________ . Yeah it was. I was worried about her the whole week. Thinking about her family. Her dad. Her lil sisters. It is in my nature to be concern. So I had nights thinking about them. Praying they would be okay. Praying so that God take care of her and the family. Honestly, I do not know how would I be if I was in her shoes. But I assume I'll be a wreck. I'll be a mess. I'll be not okay. Losing someone you love, is the lowest of the low you can be. Finding strength when a part of you was taken away is mighty. Ya Allah. 

She was saying, "korang kawan-kawan yang baik. thanks for being with me blablablabla.". I told her off. I have this theory. People say you know who your friends are when you are at your lowest. But I disagree with that. Actually its 'you know who you are when you are at your lowest'. IF you are a good person, people will come and help you. IF you are a good friend, friends will come and be there for you. So if nobody is there for you when times are hard, maybe you know who you are in life. Moral of the story is janganlah mengungkit apabila susah. Janganlah salahkan takdir apabila ditimpa dugaan. Jangan merungut kalau pertolongan tak kunjung tiba. Maybe there is a reason for that. Maybe the reason is you. So kena banyak muhasabah diri. Macam mana orang nak tolong kita kalau kita sendiri tak tolong orang? How can you have good friends around you if you are not a good friend in the first place?  I told her, "bukan sebab aku kawan yang baik lah. Sebenarnya, aku buat semua ni sebab kau. Kau kawan yang baik sebab tu I'll try my best to be there for you." Betul kan teori ni? I bet you people felt the same with friends or people you know.

As closure, the weight of the world and beyond is on her shoulder now. She stepped up and took the lead with mighty strength. You are an amazing person Asyikin. God gave me you so that I learn about life. God gave me you so that I learn to be strong. God gave me you so that I learn to be a good friend. Dan Ibu pergi tinggalkan anak-anak yang baik. And Ibu had done an amazing job with you girls. She left us fighting and that is how we should remember her. A fighter. May God blessed her soul. 

*Strong does not need explaining when I look at you. 

Not Okay

Honestly, I am not okay with that.

If only I can vent my disgust jealousy hatred towards you. I would. But we live in a world where plenty of people are irrational and immature enough to start war just by saying what they feel. I am not about to contribute to that. Sungguh pun seronok sebenarnya tengok nadia meroyan, she is keeping mum. She is behaving. But I do not like what you do. Dangling meat in front of a croc. I might just death roll you next time we see each other. Bitch. So. I am keeping this word vomit. Shut.



*When I have moved on, why come back with RM 5? Not fair. 

Strong

Strong does not need explaining when I look at you.

When I heard the news, my heart sank. I bet you felt the same. But times a million. I really do not know what to say or how to act. But from me to you, I want you to know I care. So much. People say you know who your friends are when times are hard. And when the time came for you, you came for me. It means something big. It means I am your friend. Through thick and thin. No matter what, I am here for you.

I think I am doing something good on earth. That is the whole point of living. It is. To be good. Be helpful. Be pleasant. Be a friend. Yes, cakap bunga. Tapi ikhlas Tuhan sahaja yang tahu. Yes, cakap pandai. Tapi my friends know who I really am. Dan aku nak kau kuat sekuat-kuatnya. Okay?


*Ya Allah, please take care of my friend. Ya Allah, give mighty strength to her family. Ya Allah, we can get through this together. 

Vulnerable

Never easy to show you my weak side. 

Kalau boleh, I want to be weak. But life taught me to be me. Half of me is absolutely delightful. Fun. Strong. Happy. Confident. But the other half. The half that rarely make any appearance to the public is absolutely vulnerable. weak. manja. soft. mengada-ngada. sangat manja. Bukan semua orang yang berjaya nampak itu. Bukan semua yang tahu.

Honestly I have barricaded myself from having any sort of 'love' relationship because I am afraid of the person I could be. I can be so 'ergh' when I am in love. Touchy. I am. Manja. So daripada buat maksiat, baik kita jauhkan diri daripadanya. Girls, we have a choice. We have a choice. We have a choice. 

Beginilah, cinta adalah takdir. Cinta memang indah. Apa yang kita buat semasa bercinta adalah satu pilihan. Jika pegang tangan adalah benda normal semasa bercinta, peluk sikit, pegang pinggang, berbahu-bahu di wayang adalah perkara biasa, I'll be like....dosa tahu tak! dosa! But then again. We live in a world where 'manusia semakin hidup untuk dunia  dan terlupa akan akhirat'. Itu yang aku takut sangat. Ingat, jangan sesekali salahkan takdir atas keputusan sendiri. 

*I sound like an ustazah. Is this really happening. Post ni sebenarnya pasal apa ni??? Kelinglah nadia.

Love. Stop. I forgot.

Forgetting to forget about you by JoJo.

             People are getting married and engaged left and right. Friends. Relatives. Everybody. This is good. Alhamdulillah. Something we should all be happy for. But why do some of us, feel 'tercabar' 'tergugat' 'terasa tempias'? Do we all need to get married if everyone else is getting one? Please stop and be rational. Jodoh is a very powerful fate. Something that has been decided for us long before kita bercinta dengan X,Y,Z atau that guy we thought we end up with but did not. Stories about how people got hitched, the story behind 'Will you marry me?' question. When, how, why. So far everything is unexpected and rather mysteriously set for us. So janganlah tercabar sangat. Janganlah rush something that is very big. A marriage is not a project. Marriage is life. And are you ready for that?

               I personally believe that my fate has been sealed. I have been that perigi mencari timba. Many times before. But Allah knew better. HE knew me. And often times He saved me from bad decisions and stupid circumstances. I believed more in jodoh than cinta. Cinta antara manusia seems very complicated, emotionally draining, and a waste of time. But kita manusia. Aku manusia. Perasaan cinta terhadap seseorang itu tidak dapat dielakkan. I have been there and been hurt. I tried to make it worth while. I tried to understand what it takes to defend it. I tried to fight for it. But my doubts about 'cinta' is kinda true. Thus it proves that jodoh is the real deal. Cinta? Jawab sendiri.



*I do not sound hopeless. I still believe that love will find his way back to me. Dan itu jodoh kita.

The Great Comeback

Is this real?

I miss this blog. I really do. Last post was in February. I have been absent from this place kira-kira 6 months. 6 months. 6 months. 6 bloody months. Indeed within 6 months loads had happened. I got married. Had 6 kids. Live in a big house on top of the hill. With a beautiful spacious granite marble top kitchen. Yes. Semuanya happy ending. Everything is splendid.

Not.

Now currently growing grapes (seedless ones mind you), hoping not have to open a vineyard and produce the best quality wine.! haaa. Amek kau. Perlibahasa sikit. I rarely write anymore about anything or read anymore about people because life taught me to be shuuhhhhhh about my life and take care of only my tepi kain not someone else's. So, I officially put my blog OFF THE AIR late February thinking, "biarlah rahsiaaaaaaaaa...". The thing about blog diary is people get to know you here. How you are. what you do. Kau pelik. Kau normal. Kau takde life. Kau membosankan. Kau deep. Kau jiwang. Kau geli. Kau bitch. Kau amuk. Kau lembu. Kau adalah lembu tahu tak dalam bahasa Inggeris???!!! Sebab tulah I am not a Kau Aku person. Mama tak kasi cakap aku kau tahu takkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.

Ok. Lari topic.

Yes. People know you here. How you write and what you write about describe you as a human being, as a person of society, a member of the universe. Tgk nadia tengah crappppp. And sebenarnya, people miss reading this. I miss reading this too. When I read what I wrote, I miss me.


*In 6 months, loads happened. People change. I changed.